Churchill’s International Phone Calls: A Comedy of Errors

Churchill talks on the phone with Stalin:
— No.
— No.
— No.
— No.
— Yea’.
— No.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee asks him:
— Churchill, sir, what did you agree on?
— Aaydunnoaydonspeekrussian.

Churchill talks on the phone with Stalin:
— No.
— No.
— No.
— No.
— Yea’.
— No.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee asks him:
— Churchill, sir, what did you agree on?
— Aaydunnoaydonspeekrussian.

Churchill calls Roosevelt:
— Yes.
— Yes.
— No.
— Yes.
— Yes.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was that about, Prime Minister?
— Just ordered a sandwich. Couldn’t find what I wanted.

Churchill rings de Gaulle:
— Oui.
— Non.
— Non.
— Oui?
— Non.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— Did you have a productive conversation, Winston?
— He wanted to invade England. I said no.

Churchill phones Hitler:
— Nein.
— Nein.
— Ja!
— Nein.
— Nein.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— Winston, what was that about?
— He asked if I wanted to share Poland. I said no.

Churchill calls Mussolini:
— Si.
— No.
— Si!
— Si.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was the discussion, sir?
— He wanted to start a fashion line. I don’t approve.

Churchill dials Chamberlain:
— Yes?
— No.
— Yes.
— No.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What’s the verdict, Winston?
— He wanted to appease. I said, «No».

Churchill gets on the line with Truman:
— Yes.
— Yes.
— Sure.
— Yes.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What have we got, Prime Minister?
— He’s sending us a bill. We can’t afford it.

Churchill speaks to Mao:
— Bu shi.
— Bu shi.
— Shi!
— Bu shi.
— Bu shi.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What did you manage to achieve?
— He’s ordering takeaway. I declined.

Churchill calls Gandhi:
— No.
— No.
— Yes.
— No.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was that, Winston?
— He asked if I wanted to join a protest. I declined.

Churchill calls Einstein:
— Yes.
— Yes.
— Yes.
— Yes.
— Yes.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was that about, Prime Minister?
— He explained relativity. I didn’t understand.

Churchill calls Picasso:
— Blue.
— Red.
— Yellow.
— Green.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What did you discuss, Winston?
— He offered to paint my portrait. I said no.

Churchill calls Shakespeare:
— To be.
— Or not.
— That.
— Is.
— The question.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was that all about?
— He was giving me advice on writing speeches. I said, «no».

Churchill calls Mozart:
— Do.
— Re.
— Mi.
— Fa.
— Sol.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What did you two talk about?
— He was composing a new anthem. I said no to being in it.

Churchill calls Freud:
— Dream.
— Subconscious.
— Ego.
— Id.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What did you say, Winston?
— He wanted to analyze my dreams. I said no.

Churchill calls Van Gogh:
— Sunflowers.
— Starry night.
— Brush.
— Canvas.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was the chat about?
— He asked if I wanted to buy a painting. I said no.

Churchill calls Turing:
— Code.
— Algorithm.
— Machine.
— Compute.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was that, Winston?
— He wanted to explain computers. I said no.

Churchill calls da Vinci:
— Mona Lisa.
— Vitruvian Man.
— Sketch.
— Paint.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was discussed, sir?
— He wanted to show me his inventions. I said no.

Churchill calls Newton:
— Gravity.
— Apple.
— Physics.
— Science.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What did he say, Winston?
— He wanted to explain gravity. I said no.

Churchill calls Marie Curie:
— Radium.
— Polonium.
— Experiment.
— Science.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was the conversation?
— She wanted to talk about elements. I said no.

Churchill calls Tesla:
— Electricity.
— Current.
— Invention.
— Power.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What did you talk about?
— He wanted to show me his inventions. I said no.

Churchill calls Edison:
— Lightbulb.
— Invention.
— Electricity.
— Patent.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What’s new, Winston?
— He wanted to sell me a lightbulb. I said no.

Churchill calls Bell:
— Hello.
— Ring.
— Telephone.
— Speak.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was the call about?
— He offered me a phone. I said no.

Churchill calls Jobs:
— Apple.
— Design.
— Mac.
— iThing.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What did you say, Winston?
— He wanted me to buy a computer. I said no.

Churchill calls Gates:
— Software.
— Windows.
— Code.
— Program.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was that all about?
— He wanted to sell me software. I said no.

Churchill calls Zuckerberg:
— Facebook.
— Like.
— Share.
— Friend.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was discussed?
— He invited me to like a page. I said no.

Churchill calls Bezos:
— Amazon.
— Order.
— Delivery.
— Prime.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What did you say?
— He wanted me to buy something. I said no.

Churchill calls Musk:
— Tesla.
— Rocket.
— Space.
— Car.
— No.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What was that, Prime Minister?
— He wanted to sell me a rocket. I said no.

Churchill calls Putin:
— Da.
— Nyet.
— Da.
— Nyet.
— Nyet.
Hangs up.
Attlee:
— What did you talk about?
— He offered me a vodka. I said no.